Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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