I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
