12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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