oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
