you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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