Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
