I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
