Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
