So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
