I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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