I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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