i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
