if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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