that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
