She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
