Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
