btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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