The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
