at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
last night I used snow as a chaser
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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