belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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