Your face is a jimmy john
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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