we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
