booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
