We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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