forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
