i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was born a porn star she said
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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