Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you never un-have a 4some
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
