we have officially lost it.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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