You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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