I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
