I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
