dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
