Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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