try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
