When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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