god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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