She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want a musical about memes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
