I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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