So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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