Whoa Z and x make the same sound
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
