T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I didn't notice because vodka
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
