I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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