i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
