we have pet lesbian snakes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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