I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
