3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
