I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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