That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
