Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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