Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
