It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
