is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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