I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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