do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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