I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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