i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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