i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I enjoy the company of your penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
