you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
