I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
