I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
