im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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