She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
