seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
