Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
