Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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