remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
