Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
