This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
