i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
